I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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