That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Someone signed my nipple.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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