i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
