I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
