I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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