I wish I could teleport
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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