Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
