i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
