no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize