is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
