your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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