My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My bed smells like the plague
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
