Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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