I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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