3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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