I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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