So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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