If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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