Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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