Im at strip club and am horny
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
