why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
