Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
