there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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