you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
