His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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