if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
