dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
