I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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