It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
