Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
