i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So vagazzling was a success
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
