pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
