party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
