We're facebook friends in real life
I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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