the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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