Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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