ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
