The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
