Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
