the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
