Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
