I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
