Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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