Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
