i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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