If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize