conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
