Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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