after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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