i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
