Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
