new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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