Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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