Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
