When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize