There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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