she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
