I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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