go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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