My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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