my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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