we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
