I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
