Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
