i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize