i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
