Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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