dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
