I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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