Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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