U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
